There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
