The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
