9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I want is dick and wine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
