Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
