So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
