Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
