sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
