I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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