used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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