you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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