if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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