The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
