Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
