I hope mine doesn't look like that
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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