They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
