I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
