Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
