You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
