I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
