You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
