I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
