You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
