She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
