he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
