Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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