question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just cropdusted the office
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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