Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do herpes really smell.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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