Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
