Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
