she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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