got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
