anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
