Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
