You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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