im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
