A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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