At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
