This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
