I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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