does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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