Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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