Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
