I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
