God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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