I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
