The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
