i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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