We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
