I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
