I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
