I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
