Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
